Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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