I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
