And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
