hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
