i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize