Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
