Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
