I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
