just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
