So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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