What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
