What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
