I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
