i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
