id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
