i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
