i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
