Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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