If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
