Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
