but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
