I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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