i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
