I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
