i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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