i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
