I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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