my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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