We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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