Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
