They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
