she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
