I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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