Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
