Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
