The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My liver is preforming stress tests.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
