It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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