I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My feet surprised me
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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