Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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