Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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