I want you more than these girls want KFC
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
