Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
