He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I haven't been this sober since birth.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
