SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
