Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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