Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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