i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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