Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
