If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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