Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize