Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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