mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
whose parrot is this?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
