If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
