Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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