Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize