im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
