When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
