Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
