My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
