I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
