I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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