My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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