Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize