the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
