This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
