cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
