I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
