I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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