Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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